contemplation greg: Relationship Needs Assessment Results ...

Congratulations HudsonvalleyguyNY on completing Plenty of Fish?s unique ?Relationship Needs Assessment.? This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:

Interdependence

Self-Efficacy

Communication

Sexuality

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Intimacy

Relationship Readiness

Conflict Resolution

Attitudes About Love

Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be ?relationship material? with you.

Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at the Plenty of Fish community!

Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a ?couple identity? with your partner.

You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire ? and perhaps even demand ? a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner?s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner?s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your ?couplehood? in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?interdependency? needs with potential partners:

?What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship??

?Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (?Public Displays of Affection?) ?

?On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or not??

Intimacy

Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.

You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner ? but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time. People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partner?s feelings will change. For this reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the relationship is taken to progressive levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?intimacy? needs with potential partners:

?What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? ? and if you could do any of it over, what would you do??

?How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting??

?What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship??

Self-efficacy

Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.

You have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self and a sense of accomplishment. It seems you are acutely aware ? but accepting ? of your strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, you likely feel that people who are important in your life understand you. But people in your scoring range tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals ? and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. You probably have a strong sense of control over your life and are decisive in managing it. You are also probably very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, your family, friends and acquaintances may often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. Bottom line: you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?self-efficacy? needs with potential partners:

?Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not??

?Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain?

?Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed??

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.

You seem to be happy and content in your life. This is an excellent foundation for a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They can connect well with others with effective relationship and dating skills, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check ? meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you appear to be looking for a relationship to complement your life, not to fulfill or ?complete? it. You probably have a lot to offer a partner, as long as you do not set unrealistic expectations for that person or the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?relationship readiness? needs with potential partners:

?How do you personally define success in life??

?In what ways do your relationships with your children, ex-partner/spouse, siblings, parents and extended family interfere with having the life and relationship that you want??

?How would you describe your requirements for a romantic partner??

Communication

Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.

Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to fit this description. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You are usually extremely sensitive to other?s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient, open and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are constantly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, and you can take the initiative and be assertive when needed. However, a defining characteristic of people in this range is that they do not rush to judgment. Rather, they pay attention, listen without jumping to conclusions and then reflect on information before responding. In a sentence, you seek both to understand others and for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?communication? needs with potential partners:

?Does the success of a committed relationship take priority over any other aspect of your life??

?Do those closest to you think that you are an easy person to get to know? Explain?

?If you are sure you are right about something, do you waste time listening to other people?s arguments or viewpoints??

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.

Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ?Doables? or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?conflict resolution? needs with potential partners:

?Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain?

?Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways??

?In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it??

Sexuality

Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.

Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?sexual? needs with potential partners:

?How important to you is preparation for sex? ? and under what situations??

?In your mind, is there any difference between ?having sex? and ?making love???

?Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion??

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.

There are two main types of love ? Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as ?a ?hopeless romantic on the inside and a realist on the outside.? This means that you value very highly both the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love and the excitement and passion of Romantic Love. You desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you ?sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. You are a clearly a hybrid, and someone who probably views love as a transcendent thing. That is, you regard true love as a precious and rare state that must be nurtured to grow and thrive. Most people in this scoring range believe that a passionate sex life is not the most important factor in a stable and satisfying relationship. Rather, a relationship must be nurtured with acceptance and compete connectedness with a partner ? a couple building and possessively protecting their ?own world.? Bottom line: You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?love attitude? needs with potential partners:

?If a partner professed that s/he would do almost anything for you, would you see that as healthy or unhealthy love??

?When you are separated from a partner, does the rest of the world often seem dull and unsatisfying??

?Do you think that a person must have great confidence in his/her partner?s judgment in order for the relationship to work??

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.

There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises ? such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?affection? needs with potential partners:

?Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there??

?Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones??

?Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone?s affection??

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Physical Touch received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need to be touched. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just physical contact ? such as frequent tickles, constantly holding hands, public hugs and kisses or light touches as s/he passes by.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use ?as is? or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your ?affection? needs with potential partners:

?How do you flirt physically with a partner and how often do you like to??

?Do you like to act like a kid and playfully wrestle or have a tickle or pillow fight with a partner??

?How comfortable are you with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) and which kinds??

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Source: http://hudsonvalleyguy.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/relationship-needs-assessment-results-from-plenty-of-fish-com/

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Source: http://contemplation-greg.blogspot.com/2012/07/relationship-needs-assessment-results.html

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